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<sup>Have you noticed that as a society we have an obsession with “payback”?

Payback for bills</sup>

Payback old debts

Payback “debts to society”

Payback favors

Payback in the sense of karma

Obviously - some things really do need to be paid back. For example, if you borrowed a book from the library and lost it, you need to pay them back.

But do you really need to pay back a friend, neighbor, etc for helping you? And if you can’t pay them back monetarily, will you refuse the help even if you really do need it?

I’m realizing the answer to that question is likely, “Yes.”

I remember reading an interesting post on Facebook that exemplified this sentiment:

A mother and child who once lived in NYC moved to NJ and were invited to a birthday party of a kid her child had made friends with when living in NYC. Because the gas, tolls, and trains are so costly from NJ to NYC, the mom had to decline the invite and explained she couldn’t afford to bring her son. However, the mom of the birthday boy offered to pick her son up in NJ to take him to the birthday party and then drive him back home because she had to head into NJ regardless.

The NJ mom declined the offer because she acknowledged how costly the trip was and didn’t have the money to pay her back. She would feel bad knowing how much effort it was and she couldn’t do anything for the NY mom even though she offered.

Countless times, I’ve seen people refuse help offered for editing resumes, walking their kids to the bus stop, a ride to the train station, etc. (I’d be lying if I said I’m not guilty of the same.)

I get it. Most times you want to acknowledge all they did to make your life easier. And of course, you want to make it clear you are not taking advantage of their kindness. I think in some cases you’ll even find your obsession with “paying someone back” is sometimes more about your ego than theirs. The concern about what the inability to pay someone for help says about you is so heavy you decline and choose to suffer instead.

People Want to See You Win

The truth is letting people help you is letting people love you. Accepting their help can sometimes look like accepting their love.

Believe it or not, people like to be part of your success. I’m always excited when I see a company I once supported show up on Shark Tank as the leader in their industry.

Regardless of how close they are to you, they want to see you win because they love you, love what you are doing, or love what they’ve heard about you. Paying people back is about gratitude for that love.

How to pay someone back if you don’t have money

There are a lot of ways to show gratitude. It’s not limited to monetary compensation.

• Offer to cook them a meal

• Offer to help them clean their car out (if it’s a frustration that’s been vocalized in the past)

• Send a card

• Give them your extra paints if you know they are an artist

• Share a list of grant opportunities if they are looking for business funding

• Offer to read through their resume

• Follow through on what they helped you with. (Seeing you win can be the best show of gratitude of them all)

Or you can just say thank you…

Sometimes a “thank you for all you do” is just the right amount of “You are all that I can ask for and more. Thank you for truly seeing me.”

Money Tip

Stock up on gift cards for rainy days

If saving isn’t your strength, consider testing out my savings hack:

Whenever my budget allows for it, I purchase $5 Target gift cards on each shopping trip. If money is a bit tight, I’m able to pull out my gift card stash and use them for groceries, clothing needs, school supplies, etc. Plus, they come in handy for random gifts such as teachers’ appreciation week, etc.

Every financial expert has a recommended method for saving money. Regardless of the method, what’s important is that you are saving.

Happy Life Tip

You need an easy win list!

Since we’re on the topic of help….

I need yours!

This organization offers to help anyone in need of a pick-me-up with a home-cooked meal; no questions asked.

This is for anyone who needs help forgiving themselves for all their missteps in life…

Want to know what goes through the mind of a journalist?

I saw this on Shark Tank and it’s done wonders in helping me stick to my to-do list and feel in control of my daily schedule.

Need help sticking to a workout routine? (I wrote this!)

If you just can’t bring yourself to keep your home clean, this Tedx Talk is for you.

I started using Loom and it’s been great in helping me avoid unnecessary meetings.

*Also - I’m no “ recognizable thought leader”, but I’d love to do more speaking engagements, including a TEDx Talk one day. Does anyone have tips to share to help?

The ability to accept help or ask for help sometimes comes down to the narrative you’re telling yourself. You may be leaning on unconscious beliefs that don’t align with the desire to get help. Check out these affirmations to see if you can rewrite the script in your head.

I sincerely hope these links and tips bring you to a better place mentally. If nothing else, please take this with you and repeat it daily as needed.

"My worth extends far deeper than what I can do for others."

Know someone who would appreciate the contents of this message? Please forward it to them. The more people this can help, the better!