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If it's hard work, I don't want it

If it's hard work, I don't want it

And you shouldn't want it hard either...

Terri Huggins
August 01, 2023

^{My emails are sporadic, so in case you forgot…}

I’m Terri. A nationally published journalist who talks feelings, personal development, and some money tips all wrapped up in empathy.

_{Soft life. welcome ease. Rest is resistance. Most of us know they’ve been trending for a while now. But what do you think they mean? It far extends hiring a cleaning person if it’s too hard to neaten up your home.}

_{Though I’ve uttered, “welcome ease” a time or two in the past, I don’t think I ever grasped the true sentiment behind it and how it was applicable to my life.}

_{That shouldn’t have been a surprise considering “The struggle is real” seems to be the agreed-upon slogan for most Americans.}

_{We’ve been conditioned to believe that life is hard and should be accepted at all times. But why?}

❝

You can’t go with the flow if you’re consistently swimming against the current. Instead, choose what flows in the direction your life is heading.

Yes, life is hard. But does it NEED to be hard?

A few days ago I read a post of someone describing themselves as a “hard worker.” It sounded nice for all three seconds until I asked myself, “What does that even mean?” I’m wondering if the person who wrote the post, even knew what they meant by it.

Being a hard worker is a value we’ve naturally clung to for generations. But it’s such a subjective term. What’s hard for you may not be hard for me.

Even more so, if something is hard, it’s a sign of a bigger problem.

Healthcare in the US is hard. Moving into an affordable home is hard. Finding reliable childcare is hard. Stopping ants from coming into your home is hard.

Most of us know this. It all lends to why life in general is hard. But most of us agree that healthcare, affordable housing, and good childcare shouldn’t be hard.

So why “accept” hard when you don’t have to?
There are too many things outside your control forcing you to be a “hard worker.” You have the right to NOT choose hard for all the things you do have a say.

If you are willing to accept “hard” for the sake of going with the flow, I’ve got news for you…

You can’t go with the flow if you are constantly swimming against the current.

Instead, choose what flows in the direction your life is heading. Otherwise, it’s a struggle that serves no purpose.

a person swimming at dusk with the sun setting in the horizon

It’s the reason why I don’t describe my marriage or friendships as hard work, though others commonly describe theirs as such. Why would I want to surround myself with people who make my life hard; spouse and friends included?

I want my relationships to be as easy as possible. It takes effort, but I wouldn’t describe them as hard. The moment it gets hard is when I know something has to change within me or the dynamics of the relationship.

If your job as a middle manager is hard, it’s time to evaluate.

If a homecooked meal every night is too hard, then order out.

If going to college is too hard, then don’t.

If journaling is too hard despite all the advice to do so, don’t journal.
(Fun fact: I’m a journalist who cannot stand journaling.)

If chronic back pain makes walking to your driveway too hard, talk to a doctor about it if able. Or look up some remedies.

Don’t accept it because you’ve always had back problems and you have a high pain tolerance. (I’m talking to you women and Black people reading this.)

Living a hard-knock life and struggling in pain shouldn’t be accepted as a long-term normal. Hard work should have an expiration date. And when that expiration is up, it means you begin resisting that hard work in favor of something easier for you.

_{When that expiration is up, it means you begin resisting hard work in favor of something easier for you.}

That doesn’t mean that everything in your life has to be easy and automated either. Instead, take a moment to ask yourself what you want it to be. Or better yet, ask what you don’t want to be.

There’s a very fine line between what is challenging, what requires effort, and what is hard work. I suspect that most of us have difficulty differentiating between the three so we accept that it’s supposed to be hard work.

Hard work, commonly associated with pushing yourself way beyond limits, has long been socially acceptable. Now, that I’m more aware of it, I’m doing my best to go against the grain as much as possible.

If you plan to do the same, expect people to push back because they don’t understand your reasons. The beauty is that they don’t need to.

It’s ok to live a life others don’t understand. You get to choose your easy and place firm expiration dates on your hard.

Read This…

If you find it hard to be authentic or sick of the word, my blog post breaks down an easy way to nail authenticity.

Money Tip

Saving for a rainy day isn’t always easy. So I started buying $5 Target gift cards whenever my budget allowed for it and stashed them. They came in handy when unexpected expenses arose or a paycheck was late.

Happy Life Tip

Ditch the framework…

Frameworks and routines are great. They can guide you to the goal if on an endless loop to nowhere. But they can also suck the fun out of everything. Instead of doing what was in your heart, you ignored it because it didn’t fit the coveted framework. Allow yourself to ditch the tried and true framework sometimes. Ignore the algorithm. Forget the rules of symmetry. Pretend new math doesn’t exist. Imagine the all-white home decor aesthetic was never a trend. For a moment, ignore the rules and follow the path to enjoyment. When you follow all the rules, you miss all the fun.

Since we’re on the topic of hard work….

If you are taking a break from work please support my skill in something I find rather easy and fun.

I’m really enjoying this easy budgeting app to track expenses and meet $$ goals

The reading list template in Notion has been so helpful in tracking my bookmarked links, videos, and to-read lists from around the web.

I sincerely hope these links and tips bring you to a better place mentally. If nothing else, please take this with you and repeat it daily as needed.

"The more I love my decisions, the less I need others to love them."

Know someone who would appreciate the contents of this message? Please forward it to them. The more people this can help, the better!

If it's hard work, I don't want it

And you shouldn't want it hard either...

My emails are sporadic, so in case you forgot…

Soft life. welcome ease. Rest is resistance. Most of us know they’ve been trending for a while now. But what do you think they mean? It far extends hiring a cleaning person if it’s too hard to neaten up your home.

Though I’ve uttered, “welcome ease” a time or two in the past, I don’t think I ever grasped the true sentiment behind it and how it was applicable to my life. That shouldn’t have been a surprise considering “The struggle is real” seems to be the agreed-upon slogan for most Americans.

We’ve been conditioned to believe that life is hard and should be accepted at all times. But why?

So why “accept” hard when you don’t have to?There are too many things outside your control forcing you to be a “hard worker.” You have the right to NOT choose hard for all the things you do have a say.