My emails are sporadic, so in case you forgot…
I’m Terri. A nationally published journalist who talks feelings, personal development, and some money tips all wrapped up in empathy.
September reveals there are two types of people in this world. Those who absolutely love summer and choose to milk it for all it’s worth. And those who have been hypnotized by their love of pumpkin spice into thinking that fall is the superior season.
If you can’t tell, I’m part of the summer-loving group. And if you’re part of the “fall is superior” group, you’re wrong. But there’s something else about September that’s sometimes glossed over. September is suicide prevention month, which means more people pay attention to mental health temporarily.
Here's the thing about mental health - a lot of people aren't suffering in silence. A lot of people have been very vocal about their needs and were ignored. Sometimes it's friends who either don't hear those needs loud enough, so they remain oblivious. Sometimes, it’s those in our lives who are made to believe that having boundaries means they should never be inconvenienced. Sometimes it’s because people are still struggling to hear their own voice, let alone someone else’s. The reasons vary, and it doesn’t always have anything to do with ill will.
But if you paid attention, you'd see some of the people who are "suffering in silence" have been much louder than you realized.
Sometimes that favor or expressed concern you call trivial or inconvenient can be everything to those "suffering in silence."
Even if you can’t give them what they need, simply acknowledging their needs can take someone from “suffering in silence” to “suffering and heard/seen”. And if someone who’s suffering is at least heard, there’s a chance they’ll be able to hold onto hope longer than they thought.
Sometimes asking for help and "suffering in silence" looks like someone canvassing for more access to healthcare, forgiving student loans, less spending on the military, but more spending on education, expanding social security benefits, and eliminating predatory bank fees.
Or sometimes “suffering in silence” means searching loudly for a distraction.
The common advice may be to find beauty in today, but it’s ok if the only thing that keeps you going is finding the beauty in tomorrow.
So a counteroffer within your limits can be a life-changing and worthwhile distraction. If you can't show up in the way they asked, show up the way you can.
For example…
Can't go to the wedding? Mail a card. Can't mail a card? Send a text.
Can't babysit the kids? Help them find one.
Can't go to the birthday party? Offer a lunch date.
Can’t connect them to the hiring manager? Offer to be a reference
Do what you can to show you care. But don’t leave a request without closure if you can help it.
This newsletter is a labor of love…
A labor of love that took me nearly 3 hours to write. But love doesn’t pay the bills. If you love what I’m doing, consider buying me a pizza. If you want to spread the love, share the link to my page with someone who needs it. It’s free and public! |
A counteroffer to show you care could be a distraction from the pain in this moment. It’s permission to cope by looking forward to tomorrow. The common advice may be to find beauty in today, but it’s ok if the only thing that keeps you going is finding beauty in tomorrow.
If you don’t have a counteroffer to a request, inquire about how they plan to cope. When in a downward spiral, it doesn't matter how loved you are or what other things are working in your favor. You can still feel hopeless. In those moments, leaning on coping mechanisms can be everything. So instead of simply checking on your strong friends, ask all friends if they have coping mechanisms. At the very least, suggest finding one together. That simple act could be the best “counteroffer” of them all.
PS: If you are the someone suffering in silence without a counteroffer in sight, I hope you know you are not the problem. What you need isn’t foolish. It matters. You are not the exception. You are loved. You are worthy of all that’s good in this world. If you stick around, there’s a possibility you will receive that good.
Do This…
An impactful microtask for change
It’s hard knowing how to spot and respond to someone who is struggling emotionally. NAMI offers a free course covering how to navigate relationships with people experiencing mental health issues. Find your nearest class here and then let me know if you plan to sign up. I plan on joining one and would love to know your thoughts.
Happy Life Tip
Keep a rainbow close…
September comes w/ beloved apple cider donuts… and the effects of fall weather. That means feeling the impact of hurricane season. Make it a bit more enjoyable by investing in a brightly colored umbrella. You can’t always avoid a downpour, but turning a necessary item of survival into a source of joy can make withstanding it a bit easier.
Since we’re on the topic of mental health I’m sharing some helpful links from around the web. Some of these may be affiliate links:
Victim of financial fraud? You’re not alone.
My favorite way to show up, when I can’t show up
Don’t let fake news control your emotions.
Everyone deserves to have a happy song. If you don’t have one, check out two of mine here and here.
A book worth pre-ordering from someone I interviewed.
I’m not a video game person, but words can’t describe how much I LOVE this one.
Hopefully, you can find help when you need it.
Need a dance break?
The plan is to host more events, so follow along.
Need a pep talk? Let’s chat.
Like what I’m doing? Buy me a pizza
Want to work with me? Book a consult
I sincerely hope these links and tips bring you to a better place mentally. If nothing else, please take this with you and repeat it daily as needed.
"I am proud of the person I’ve become and sympathize with the person I once was."
Know someone who would appreciate the contents of this message? Please forward it to them. The more people this can help, the better!